Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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