There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
