I just threw up on my dentist
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
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Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
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The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
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