and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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