My friends, they love my intelligence
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Randomize
