There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
