you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
FUCK WHALES
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
