Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Randomize
