he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
