What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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