You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds