Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.