I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.