Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."