Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
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I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
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I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."