You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...