I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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