I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize