Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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