Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
