U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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