He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
