So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize