'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
