Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
