True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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