Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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