so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
