I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
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Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
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I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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