thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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