My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
