You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
