im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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