Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
