Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
