he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
