i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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