Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
