I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Randomize
