yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
