Will you blow on my dice?
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
