Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
