I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
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there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize