I can't breathe out the right side of my face
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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