then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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