lets start a swedish sibling band together
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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