It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
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I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
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She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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