God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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