I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
