yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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