just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
