he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
