just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
