ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"