It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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