He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
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Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
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Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.