Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night