Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection