I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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