I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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