direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
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