I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
