And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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