I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
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Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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