last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
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Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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