i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
