If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
