he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
