She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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