If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Still dying that you shit outside
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
