He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize