mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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