Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
