I didn't shave. On purpose
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
