I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
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