the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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