I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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